you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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