I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
