Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
