So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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