I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
