The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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