there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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