Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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