1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
