He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
