we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
