Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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