I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
the condom got lost in my hair
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
