Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
