Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
