I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
