How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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