Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
