Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
