I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
