i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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