people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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