Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
