At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
