if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
