dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Floor bacon is actually really good
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
