I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
