you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
