I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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