need another drink. this is the easiest way
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
