shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
