Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Randomize
