I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
we have officially lost it.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
