You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
