Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
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