Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
