ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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