At least make sure they are 18
Why
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
