I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
