People in love make me want to vomit
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
