This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
