with your own penis?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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