I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You have to summon your inner elephant
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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