I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
