So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I party with great urgency now.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
