your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
