i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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