At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
