There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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