He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
