He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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