i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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