Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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