can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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