she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
