You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
