it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
